ungrind: G-Mail

Breakupguidepart5

By Christina Holder

This letter is for your closest female friends to read. It's called G-Mail or "Girlfriend Mail." Sometimes in the midst of a breakup, you don't know how to communicate how you are feeling and struggle to let your friends know how they can support you specifically. Consider sending this girlfriend mail or a letter like it to the friends who are closest to you. If you are a friend of someone who is dealing with a broken heart, then girlfriend mail is for you, too.

Dear Girlfriend,

Sometimes I don't know how to communicate how I'm feeling about my breakup or to tell you how you can help me. I know you want to help, but sometimes you probably feel like you can't do anything to make me happy again.

I just know that I'm really sad and sometimes still angry. I just feel really alone. I know I'm not alone because God is always there, and I have my family, and I have you -- a great girlfriend who is there for me -- but what I mean is that I feel alone. I feel rejected. I feel ugly. I even feel stupid. This pain I'm feeling is so deep that I sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be OK again.

I know that sometimes I sound dramatic and I say things that are unrealistic. I realize it's probably annoying to hear me talk about my breakup and say the same things over and over again. Maybe you're even tired of me crying about it all the time or frustrated because I don't want to go out to places because I fear I might see my ex-boyfriend.

I just want to thank you for being my patient friend and for not giving up on me. Thank you for wanting to help me.

One thing that would be helpful is if you could just continue to be patient with me. I may continue to cry and ramble and, well, grieve. But I'm a processing a deep heartbreak, and sometimes I'm just going to need my girlfriends to listen to me, to affirm me, and to let me know that I'm not dumb or weird or pathetic. I just need to hear that. I need to hear that I'm smart and beautiful and valued and God's treasure.

I want to be able to really be me in front of you. I don't want to hold back. If you will accept me the way I am right now, it would be such a help to me.

Girlfriend, while I need your patience as I process these weighty emotions, I also need accountability with unhealthy thinking and actions. It would mean so much to me if you could also gently tell me when I'm doing things that are hurting myself or that are preventing me from moving forward. I know that dwelling on the past, reading old love letters, calling or emailing my ex-boyfriend, or turning into a "party girl" are not going to help me. If you could direct me in those areas, I would be appreciative.

I need to get out, have fun, and do activities that are new and different. I know it's a huge commitment, but daily calls or emails have the power to improve my day and remind me that I haven't been forgotten. Keeping up with me and asking me about how I'm really feeling every day can be transformational.

Finally, girlfriend, I need your prayers. Any time you can pray with me directly, I welcome and really want. I know that healing is a process and that God will work through this brokenness. I want to draw closer to Him during this time, but sometimes I need help doing that. Anything you can do to help point me closer to Him and to encourage me to hold on to Him, I will be grateful to receive.

Girlfriend, I love you, and I'm thankful for you. Thank you for reading this and considering these thoughts. I am grateful that you are on this journey with me.

Love,

Read Part 6.

To discuss this article, visit our blog, Fresh Brew.

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Christina Holder is a freelance writer based in Liberia, West Africa, where she is recording post-war stories five years after Liberia's brutal 14-year civil war. She is a former reporter for the Naples (Fla.) Daily News and a former reporter/researcher for syndicated columnist Robert D. Novak in Washington, D.C. She writes for the blog Beautifully Broken, which encourages women with God's promise to take their brokenness and to make it beautiful. Read more of Christina's Ungrind articles here.

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